Forum: HoseHeads Sprint Car General Forum (go)
Moderators: dirtonly  /  dmantx  /  hosehead

A newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners.


You must abstain from sex for an entire month."

The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the church.


When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife
was crying, and the husband obviously was very depressed.

"You are back so soon...Is there a problem?" the
pastor inquired.

"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from
sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly.

The pastor asked him what happened.


"Well, the first week was difficult; however, we managed to abstain
through sheer will power. The second week was terrible, but with the use of
prayer, we managed to abstain. The third week, however, was unbearable.

We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible, anything to keep
our minds free of carnal thoughts.

But one afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint
and dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up, I noticed that she didn't have panties
on and I was overcome with lust and I had my way with her, right then and
there," admitted the man, shamefacedly.


"You understand this means you will not be welcome into our church,"
stated the pastor.


"We know," said the young man, hanging his head.


"We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore, either

 
I LEARNED ESP FROM MY MOM

"PUT YOUR SWEATER ON: DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW WHEN 
YOU'RE COLD?"

Good one. Reminds me of a Lewis Grizzard original.

Elderly couple goes to a sex therapist for consultation about there sex life. The Doctor suggest

that he witness there act on a bed in one of the therapy rooms. This, they agree to, perform for

the Doctor and he advises that he sees nothing wrong with there performance and sends them

on their way. A few days later the couple returns and has the Doctor once again witness

and evaluate their performance. Again the Doctor gives them a clean bill of sex, says there

is nothing unusual or lacking in their sex lives. A few days later they return for another session

and the Doctor ask them why they keep on returning when he sees nothing wrong with their

sex lives. To this the Man says, Well she's married to someone else, so we can't do it at her

house, I'm married to someone else so we can't do it at my house, the Holiday Inn charges

$75 a night and the Days Inn charges $70 a night. We are both on Med-a-Care and our

co-pay for your services, with a private room is only $10 a visit. Why should we go anywhere

else?