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2007 Football Scouting Report
Well folks, it arrived.....the 2007 football scouting report!
The following scouting report is making the rounds of Division I
football
coaches:
Wayfron P. Jackson: 6' 6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect
from
Texas in the last ten years. Loves rap music. Will demand a
mini-cassette
in his helmet. Currently holds world record for the most "you knows"
during
an interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron can print his complete name.
Cletis Quinticious Jenkins: 6' 3", 220 lbs.. Running Back. Set state
scoring record out of Triton High School, Dunn, N.C. Also led the state
in
burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has been clocked at 4.2
seconds
in the 40 yard dash with a 19" TV under each arm.
Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell: 6' 1", 195 lbs. Running Back. From Tyler,
Texas.
Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very well. Before
he
signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to change colors to
chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as "red brick."
Woodrow Lee Washington: 6' 8", 310 lbs. Tackle. From a 4th generation
welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children. Mother claims
Woodrow and child number 9 have same father. He has a manslaughter
trial
pending but feels he will be found innocent because: "The dude said
something bad 'bout my Momma." On his entrance form, he listed his I.Q.
As
20-20.
Willie "Night Train" Smith: 6'4", 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on an
Amtrak
train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old. Thinks the "N"
on
Nebraska's helmets stands for "Nowledge," but still meets this school's
stringent entrance requirements. Insists on wearing number 32 jersey
since
it matches his score on his College Entrance Exam.
Tyrone "Python" Peoples: 6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending
paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9
victims
will file charges. Tyrone had already signed letters of intent with six
other colleges but was also willing to sign with us. Likes wild women
and
red Cadillacs. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company.
Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali: 6'10", 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball
under the name Sylvester LeRoy Jones until he discovered religion.
Abdul
thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville. Doesn't
know
the meaning of the word "fear." (Doesn't know the meaning of many other
words, either.)
Note: College track coaches intend to use several of the above signees
in
their track programs. However, instead of using a starting gun at track
meets, the NCAA has now agreed to use a burglar alarm....this, they
hope,
will keep the runners alert.
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