Buy Speedway?" by: Ed Goodspeed Salina Evening Post
SALINA- Rob Walton, Chairman of the Board of Directors of Wal-Mart, Inc. announced today that Wal-Mart is currently negotiating the purchase of Salina Highbanks Speedway. The announcement comes amidst a flurry of speculation surrounding the sale of the track.
Walton did not announce details of the negotiations, but did release some of Wal-Mart's plans for the facility.
"We plan to re-name the track, 'Sam's Club International Speedway,' and we hope the new name will usher in a new era of quality. We want to upgrade the facility to provide our customers with the best possible experience," Walton said.
The proposed "upgrades" call for several changes to the rules and regulations at the racetrack.
Racers would only be able to use auto parts purchased at Wal-Mart or Sam's Club stores, and would be required to leave the bar code and price tag stickers on all racing equipment.
"They are going to take my tools and gave me a nametag and one of those little guns that scans bar codes," sighed four-star cashier Chris "Eagle Eye" Peepers. Under the previous owner, Peepers' official title was technical inspector, or tech man.
"They will pay me minimum wage to scan parts all day, I don't even get to measure anything. And what's worse? They are going to replace me with a (expletive deleted) machine!" Peepers shouted. The potential owners plan to install several "self-checkout" machines in the technical inspection area, where racers can scan their own equipment, assuming they have a valid Sam's Club membership card.
Peepers would not be the only track employee forced to change jobs. Herb "Skunky" Lager would also be affected.
"They want to close down the beer shack because they want the track to be more family friendly," Lager said, "So if the deal passes, I'm going to be the new greeter. And I'll also need to see your valid Sam's Club card."
Another proposed feature of Sam's Club International Speedway is a series of speed bumps on each straightaway. According to Walton, the speed bumps will help reduce the risk of accidents.
Racers would not be the only group affected by change under the new owners. According to Walton, the speedway's concession stands and gift shops will sell their wares in bulk in order to pass the retailer's savings on to the customer.
"I don't know how anyone could eat a trash bag of popcorn and drink 48 cans of pop in one night, but at prices this low, you'd be a fool to pass these deals up," said concession worker Saul T. Pickles.
In order to shop at the new track, and watch the occasional car race, fans will be required to register for a Sam's Club card.
If the deal clears, Sam's Club International Raceway will be unveiled at the start of the 2007 racing season.
David Smith Jr.
www.oklahomatidbits.com
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